[staringclown]

I had to go to a two day love in with the executive this week cos the organisation is about to melt down. Motivational speakers/expert salesmen speak and make you massage/dance with/high five your co-workers. "I rock and so do you/ Be more awesome".

Step 1: We had a bloodletting back in december. Everybody piled in and answered a survey with straight up what was wrong with the organisation. Frankly, there's too many passengers.

Step 2: We're all at a workshop and being told that our feedback has been "honoured" and "respected".

Step 3: A mirror is held up we are informed that nobody else can fix it besides us. (Fair enough in my view BTW)

Step 4: A whole bunch of self help books are then quoted as gospel and "visualisation" and "goal setting" kicks in. Get some IP's and retire is suggested. Strangely the head salesman is ex ANZ bank as is the 2IC and our CIO.

Step 5: Draw a picture of a pig in 30 seconds. I drew the pig front on toward the bottom of the page. This means that I am a pessimistic (bottom of the page), forthright (cos the pig was facing forward), no sex life cos the pig had no tail (ie. you couldn't see the back of it) But luckily I drew it with large ears so that means I'm a good listener. Your tax dollars at work.

Has anyone else been to one of these? They are bizarre.

[urchin]

staringclown, on 05 May 2011 - 12:55 PM, said:

I had to go to a two day love in with the executive this week cos the organisation is about to melt down. Motivational speakers/expert salesmen speak and make you massage/dance with/high five your co-workers. "I rock and so do you/ Be more awesome".

Step 1: We had a bloodletting back in december. Everybody piled in and answered a survey with straight up what was wrong with the organisation. Frankly, there's too many passengers.

Step 2: We're all at a workshop and being told that our feedback has been "honoured" and "respected".

Step 3: A mirror is held up we are informed that nobody else can fix it besides us. (Fair enough in my view BTW)

Step 4: A whole bunch of self help books are then quoted as gospel and "visualisation" and "goal setting" kicks in. Get some IP's and retire is suggested. Strangely the head salesman is ex ANZ bank as is the 2IC and our CIO.

Step 5: Draw a picture of a pig in 30 seconds. I drew the pig front on toward the bottom of the page. This means that I am a pessimistic (bottom of the page), forthright (cos the pig was facing forward), no sex life cos the pig had no tail (ie. you couldn't see the back of it) But luckily I drew it with large ears so that means I'm a good listener. Your tax dollars at work.

Has anyone else been to one of these? They are bizarre.

wow... how demeaning. let's face it, the people who are doing their job don't need that kind of crap and the people who aren't doing their job aren't going to change because of it. i thought it was the role of management to create and cultivate a good working environment and to sort out the wheat from the chaff. sounds like something that would happen on The Office... poor management at its worst, i reckon.

[savagegoose]

was at telecom when it was still %100 gov owned,. they did a thing called towards 2000. where they planed to grow organically, thru ...." OHf*ck i dont know i turned off by then, "
some sh*t that involved yoga, and ratting on ya work mates with bad attitudes. i only went to 1 session.

[Ruffian]

staringclown, on 05 May 2011 - 12:55 PM, said:

I had to go to a two day love in with the executive this week cos the organisation is about to melt down. Motivational speakers/expert salesmen speak and make you massage/dance with/high five your co-workers. "I rock and so do you/ Be more awesome".

Step 1: We had a bloodletting back in december. Everybody piled in and answered a survey with straight up what was wrong with the organisation. Frankly, there's too many passengers.

Step 2: We're all at a workshop and being told that our feedback has been "honoured" and "respected".

Step 3: A mirror is held up we are informed that nobody else can fix it besides us. (Fair enough in my view BTW)

Step 4: A whole bunch of self help books are then quoted as gospel and "visualisation" and "goal setting" kicks in. Get some IP's and retire is suggested. Strangely the head salesman is ex ANZ bank as is the 2IC and our CIO.

Step 5: Draw a picture of a pig in 30 seconds. I drew the pig front on toward the bottom of the page. This means that I am a pessimistic (bottom of the page), forthright (cos the pig was facing forward), no sex life cos the pig had no tail (ie. you couldn't see the back of it) But luckily I drew it with large ears so that means I'm a good listener. Your tax dollars at work.

Has anyone else been to one of these? They are bizarre.

Not quite as intense as yours.

The organisation I am primarily affiliated with has about halved staff numbers in the past two years, partly due to poor management and partly due to a certain excess of 'skilled' individuals.

But back to the love-in.

Yeah, we had something like this a couple of years ago.
What was most noticeable to me was that management were circling like smiling sharks, watching for our level of enthusiasm for the whole gig. Those that showed reluctance or rebellion during various activities are mostly working elsewhere now.
One honourable exception (who had very clear, very specific reasons for not playing nice-nice) got months of pressure from management before she proved that she was 'worthy' to continue with the business. (my gutfeel is that she will be headhunted this year anyhow)

All in all a huge waste of billable hours at a time we were all being implored/commanded to increase billables.

Later, management went on their own little retreat (which served to further alienate most of the worker-bees) and now they take turns in carrying around a rubber bone like it was a football trophy. It is supposed to be whimsical but those that did not attend the management event don't know what exactly it symbolises and so it isn't helping morale - it is a visible reminder of the 'us & them' thing.

Also since it looks like a bizarre rubber sex toy I am not sure what clients make of it, either....

[tor]

I have two which stand out in my memory.

At a telco we had a whole day whole company one where the keynote speaker was this lady that talked about base jumping off some highest mountain or something. She went on about how hard it was to get funding and everything. Then how hard it was to climb the mountain. Then she didn't jump. But she was really happy with how hard she tried.

I walked out thinking "so try hard and be happy but it doesn't matter if you waste other peoples money and fail because you can get even more money by saying how good you feel for challenging yourself". Looking around the organisation it seemed a pretty good synopsis. I left that one shortly after.

At a small company we had a weekend day (which we didn't get paid for) of trying to come up with mission statements and stuff. The guy leading it kept referring to the one they came up with for Pizza Hut. We ended up creating this:

"To provide Italian style IT solutions in a relaxed Italian style bistro with valet parking and an extensive wine list.

We are a fully licensed family restaurant/Internet cafe.

Serviced by your personal army of spider monkeys, your every whim is catered for in style while the monkeys rock just for you"

I didn't leave that company for years.

[wim]

On an overseas training rort which allowed you to get to know co-workers from other countries. First exercise was to find something that the table had in common (from Philippines, England, US, Aus, Korea etc). Tried music, movies and food but no consensus. So I suggested the colour blue. First 8 people on the table agreed and the last person said they didn't like it. So tried again with green and managed agreement. The only thing it taught was that people from different countries have very little in common outside of work. A guy from a different table jokingly said they all had genital piercings - quite a few blushing Asian women after that comment.

My friend had a great interview for the public service which was to get the team to build a model of Albert Park lake from coloured paper, textas, paper clips and rubber bands. Someone in his group suggested to put the lake on stilts. I always hoped that guy got the job.

[urchin]

wim, on 06 May 2011 - 08:26 AM, said:

My friend had a great interview for the public service which was to get the team to build a model of Albert Park lake from coloured paper, textas, paper clips and rubber bands. Someone in his group suggested to put the lake on stilts. I always hoped that guy got the job.

seriously, they do that kind of stuff in interviews? that's frightening... seriously bizarre self-selecting group they must get end up with.

[staringclown]

Thanks all for the often highly amusing feedback.

Quote

i thought it was the role of management to create and cultivate a good working environment and to sort out the wheat from the chaff.

So did I.
It seems to me that the exec are outsourcing leadership now. Instead of tackling the the mistrust of themselves and the lack of clear direction they chose a two day spin fest. They could have spent the money on fixing some of the issues. It not like we are short of staff. More that the staff we have aren't qualified to do the job and prefer to blame shift at every opportunity. There's no doubt that that the organisations culture is toxic. Silo mentality, empire building, lack of communication and duplication of effort are all rife. I will probably bail at the end of the current project. I've only been there 6 months but life is too short.

This is the first weekend I've had off for nearly two months but I'm the only one in there on most weekends. I cut a very lonely figure.

Quote

What was most noticeable to me was that management were circling like smiling sharks, watching for our level of enthusiasm for the whole gig. Those that showed reluctance or rebellion during various activities are mostly working elsewhere now.

There were execs with cameras taking loads of photos and I had the distinct impression that these weren't just happy snaps. I was forced to try and subvert proceedings (for my own sanity) by carrying out the backslapping exercises with extreme vigour rather than apathy which is my usual mode when presented with BS. We were additionally requested to leave behind our "notes" at the end of the day (labelled with our names) No doubt so the exec could snoop on what we had written. (I took mine with me)

Quote

was at telecom when it was still %100 gov owned,. they did a thing called towards 2000. where they planed to grow organically, thru ...." OHf*ck i dont know i turned off by then, "
some sh*t that involved yoga, and ratting on ya work mates with bad attitudes. i only went to 1 session.

At one point they were playing this dramatic music while this woman was reciting self pitying monologue. We were supposed to get all tense and then relax but I couldn't stop giggling. Ridiculous.

Quote

"To provide Italian style IT solutions in a relaxed Italian style bistro with valet parking and an extensive wine list.

We are a fully licensed family restaurant/Internet cafe.

Serviced by your personal army of spider monkeys, your every whim is catered for in style while the monkeys rock just for you"

I didn't leave that company for years.

I like it. Sounds like a good team.

Quote

On an overseas training rort which allowed you to get to know co-workers from other countries...

I long for an overseas rort... My brother is going to one in bermuda next month the lucky dog.

[tor]

I am working onsite this week for the first time in months. Has anyone else noticed that the larger the company the more weird posters are up like "Part of our core values are clear communication NO Jargon". It was next to a meeting room, I asked if I had to explain the very technical thing I wanted to do without using jargon. I was advised it was all bullsh*t and to jsut say what had to be said.

I am also working on a theory that larger companies breed larger arses.

[staringclown]

tor, on 07 May 2011 - 12:45 AM, said:

I am working onsite this week for the first time in months. Has anyone else noticed that the larger the company the more weird posters are up like "Part of our core values are clear communication NO Jargon". It was next to a meeting room, I asked if I had to explain the very technical thing I wanted to do without using jargon. I was advised it was all bullsh*t and to jsut say what had to be said.

I am also working on a theory that larger companies breed larger arses.

Good theory. There is a poster on my exec's door which reads "Motivated people only" can enter. I never been allowed in.

I'm getting pretty good at drawing pictures on the white board to dumb down technical speak to the level of the exec. Lot's of stick figures.

[wim]

staringclown, on 07 May 2011 - 12:05 AM, said:

This is the first weekend I've had off for nearly two months but I'm the only one in there on most weekends. I cut a very lonely figure.

You need to stop that. Need to learn not to take responsibility for everything.

[wim]

urchin, on 06 May 2011 - 03:18 PM, said:

seriously, they do that kind of stuff in interviews? that's frightening... seriously bizarre self-selecting group they must get end up with.

What was more amusing is that there was no-one with less than a master's degree. Treating highly educated people like kindergarten students. I knew there was a reason for HR.

[staringclown]

We've rejected a 3% pa offer over three years. A two thirds majority vote of largely non unionised labour. It's less than inflation and we took a haircut in the GFC negotiations of three years since.

In response we received a survey asking us why we'd rejected the offer. Did we understand the governments enterprise bargaining position where only a 3% rise was possible unless productivity gains were negotiated?

Finally, a question of "Given the current round of negotiations have failed to identify any productivity improvements - can you suggest any productivity gains?"

I couldn't help but answer.

I suggest we all stick brooms up our backsides. This would empower us to sweep the floors as we move about the office. Thus enabling significant savings over the longer term on cleaning costs.

It's that time in the cycle again where prices drop or wages rise. Industrial action dead ahead.

[tor]

staringclown, on 20 July 2011 - 11:51 AM, said:

...I couldn't help but answer.

I suggest we all stick brooms up our backsides. This would empower us to sweep the floors as we move about the office. Thus enabling significant savings over the longer term on cleaning costs.

Nice! In Japan they have slippers which have a mop as the sole so you can do that.

staringclown, on 20 July 2011 - 11:51 AM, said:

It's that time in the cycle again where prices drop or wages rise. Industrial action dead ahead.

I have been wondering what will happen this years wage reviews. All the companies that gave no pay rises during the GFC and asked staff to pull together for the company have to be expecting people to realise that excuse is gone now and it is time to be rewarded for the pulling together.

Mind you I expected it last year as well. Maybe nothing will happen again.

This post has been edited by tor: 20 July 2011 - 02:42 PM

[sydney3000]

Don't worry. Stinginess will come back to bite them. No pay rise, no disposable income, no spending, no turnover, no profit.

This post has been edited by sydney3000: 21 July 2011 - 08:08 AM

[staringclown]

No industrial action as the protected action ballot obtained from fair work australia was null and void as less than 50% of union members bothered to even vote!

How tough are people really doing it?

[staringclown]

I'm thinking we need a job whinge thread. I wasn't quite sure where to post this whinge. Could've gone for the booze and decadence thread coz I sinking Laphroaig at the moment but it didn't feel right. I am on holidays nominally but I have been required to complete the deployment of my new application into the test environment prior to going on hols. So I worked 12 hours to get my sh*t done today on top of a couple of 55 hour weeks. I don't know how you do it tor. I'm a cranky bastard at the best of times but damn I hate when you find yourself alone at work and you start fantasising about how your coworkers are having a fat time whilst you are working your butt off. At least tonight there was three of us on. It's in but my god it feels fragile. I'm off to the hunter valley for a wine odyssey for a week. I've told them not to ring me. Sorry, I just had to vent.

[tor]

staringclown, on 05 September 2011 - 01:44 PM, said:

...I don't know how you do it tor. I'm a cranky bastard at the best of times...

Hourly rates and no coworkers. Everything that goes wrong is my fault and any long hours I can at least update my "when can I stop doing this" spreadsheet.

But yeah crank factor can go through the roof

On the bright side Laphroaig is now a pretty constant $60 at Dan Murphy instead of 90 odd. That helps. Lagavulin is now 80 odd as well.

[Solomon]

staringclown, on 05 September 2011 - 01:44 PM, said:

I'm thinking we need a job whinge thread. I wasn't quite sure where to post this whinge. Could've gone for the booze and decadence thread coz I sinking Laphroaig at the moment but it didn't feel right. I am on holidays nominally but I have been required to complete the deployment of my new application into the test environment prior to going on hols. So I worked 12 hours to get my sh*t done today on top of a couple of 55 hour weeks. I don't know how you do it tor. I'm a cranky bastard at the best of times but damn I hate when you find yourself alone at work and you start fantasising about how your coworkers are having a fat time whilst you are working your butt off. At least tonight there was three of us on. It's in but my god it feels fragile. I'm off to the hunter valley for a wine odyssey for a week. I've told them not to ring me. Sorry, I just had to vent.

SC,
Thankfully you now have this "reasonably safe" environment of on-line forums to vent.
They weren't always available.
In days past, you had to be careful who you vented to.
So feel free, to get the dirty water off your chest.

[staringclown]

tor, on 05 September 2011 - 06:53 PM, said:

Hourly rates and no coworkers. Everything that goes wrong is my fault and any long hours I can at least update my "when can I stop doing this" spreadsheet.

But yeah crank factor can go through the roof

On the bright side Laphroaig is now a pretty constant $60 at Dan Murphy instead of 90 odd. That helps. Lagavulin is now 80 odd as well.

I'm still paying $90 for Laphroaig. One of the reasons I was pissed off last night was that the bottle shops were closed by the time I finished and I had to dip in to the private collection. I will have to check out Dan Murphys.

Quote

SC,
Thankfully you now have this "reasonably safe" environment of on-line forums to vent.
They weren't always available.
In days past, you had to be careful who you vented to.
So feel free, to get the dirty water off your chest.

Thanks sol. Sorry for the rant. I used to go to the pub (smoke/drink/pool) and rant there but there is a dearth of pubs in Canberra. Now you poor buggers have to cop it. I thank you again for your tolerance.